Needles and Milk
by A Phoenix Tear
Summary: Ed needs to get a flu shot and examination. He is determined to grow taller this time.


This is a story that comes from the amazing and brilliant minds of Shia (A Phoenix Tear) and Kimi (Kimihaine). It is written in honor of the love we have for the cutest and shortest State Alchemist ever. Edward hates needles and milk—so do we. You see where this is going, right?

* * *

"So Edward, I have some great news for you. You need to get a flu shot," Mustang said with a smug smile spread across his face.

Edward turns around mechanically with a stunned look on his face. "Do you mind repeating that? I think I heard you wrong."

"You heard me Edward—you need to get a flu shot. You also are up for your physical examination this year. You might want to grow a little taller." He still wore the same smug face.

His eyes bulging, Edward leapt at the Flame. The Flame, however, was too clever and already stepped aside and Edward ran straight into a wall. Before Edward could transmute his arm into a blade, his little brother Alphonse came bursting through the door with a loud metal clang and grabbed his brother before Edward tore down east command.

"What is the fuss about? Who called Edward short?" Al asked in a sweet innocent voice.

"Hello Alphonse. Who else but the colonel? He needs to stop fooling around and get back to work," Hawkeye said, reaching for her gun.

With a girlish squeak, Mustang ran from the room with Hawkeye chasing after him. Al turned to his brother and asked, "Nii-san, what happened?"

Edward stood with no response, and Hawkeye walked back in. "That man is just so hard to keep up with when he wants to sneak away from work." She spotted Edward sulking in the corner and added "So Alphonse, do you know your brother has to go get a flu shot and a physical examination on Friday?"

"Ooooohhhh, so that's why he was acting so strangely," Al turned to give his brother a scared look. Millions of little sweat drops ran from Edward's head at this point.

While Edward and Alphonse were walking back to their hotel, Winry showed up back from her shopping spree for mechanical tools. "Hey guys, what's up?" she asked.

"Edward has to get a flu shot and a physical examination this Friday," Al replied.

In a determined voice, Ed announced, "I'm going to show that stupid Mustang up by growing five inches by Friday!"

"And how do you plan to do that, Nii-san?" asked Al.

"…I can try Alchemy."

"Where's the equivalent exchange in that, Nii-san?"

"I can try to put beef under my feet and make myself grow taller."

"Enough with your silly ideas, Edward, there is only one logical way to do this, and that is to drink MILK." Winry roared the last word at him.

A sheer look of fear fell across Edward's face.

* * *

Edward, Winry, and Alphonse were seated at the hotel's restaurant and a waiter came up and asked what they would like.

"Two whole pitchers of milk, please," replied Winry brightly.

"Can we please make it chocolate?" Edward asked in a small, squeaky voice.

"Fine, two pitchers of chocolate milk."

The waiter, thinking two whole pitchers of milk was a lot for three people, teased Edward, "Are you trying to grow taller, kid?"

Edward jumped up and started yelling "Who are you calling a tiny little bean sprout you can't see because I'm so short and under the table?"

"I didn't say any of that!" The waiter sprinted as fast as he could away.

Minutes later, another waiter came up with the milk. He had to take over because the other guy was too scared to tread upon Edward, The Fullmetal Alchemist's shadow again.

He placed the milk upon the table and commented, "You know, the other waiter was too afraid to serve you again. I know you are the Fullmetal Alchemist, but I don't understand how he could be so afraid of such a small guy."

Pompeii erupted all over again and shouted "WHO ARE YOU CALLING A MINITURE SHRIMP TOO SMALL TO SEE OVER HIS OWN TWO FEET?"

This waiter also sprinted away.

* * *

Through much yelling, screaming, persuasion, threatening, and physical torture from Winry, Edward finally put the glass of milk to his lips. After a small sip and a huge gulp, Edward shivered from head to toe and back up again. "That is the most disgusting thing ever! I can't drink anymore!"

"You know, Edward, that if you don't drink the milk, we could always inject it into you." Winry said with an evil smile.

'There has to be another way!" He stormed out of the restaurant and ran to the nearest library.

Winry was left to finish all the milk and Al stayed because he was such a gentleman. They paid the bill and went to look for Edward at the library. As they walked in through the front door, they found hundreds of books that littered the floor. Sitting on a huge pile was Edward, absorbed in reading to find out a way to grow taller. Knowing that it was impossible to get milk down his throat again, the two of them settled down to help.

* * *

Friday was finally upon them, or as Edward has dubbed it, "The Doomsday", and they have yet to find a way to make Edward taller without milk inside his body.

Roy shows up at their hotel and teases Edward, "You know if your hair was spiky like mine, you might grow an inch or two."

He got no reply other than the death glare that Edward regularly looks at him with.

Hawkeye storms in and shouts, "There you are! You're supposed to be working!" as she pulls out her gun and drags Mustang out. "Come along, Edward. I need to take you to your physical examination." Edward had no choice but to follow because she had a gun.

"Edward, get back here!" A tiny little boy sprinted down the hallway as the nurses pressed themselves against the wall to clear a path for him. A suit of armor came soon after trying to catch the noisy trouble-making older brother. He finally catches him and carries a crying Edward back to the doctor's office. As Alphonse held down the struggling Edward, the nurse quickly injects the flu vaccine and ran out of the room before Edward could catch her.

Al lets his brother go and Edward mocks fainting to teach his brother a lesson. Just then, Roy walks into the room carrying Ed's physical report and announces to the whole room, "Edward, it seems you have not grown an inch since last year!"

Edward actually faints this time.

* * *

**Author's Note: **Thanks for reading! Please review. :)


End file.
